Happiness only exists when we see that unhappiness is not connected to the event itself but rather to how we perceive the event.

There are only five basic reasons for unhappiness:

Not getting what we want in our life

Getting what we want and not being satisfied with it

The absence of something or someone we love

Enduring something or someone we really dont want in our lives

And the biggest concern living in the past or the future, not in the Now

The pain and unhappiness we experience are caused by our unwillingness to accept what is here right now and let go of everything else. We must let go of the past as well as our expectations of the future. Its only when the pain becomes unbearable that we finally discover our willingness to let go.

Weve become attached to the pain. Most of us choose the old way because were good at it. Its what we know, so we retreat to the familiar. Its who we believe we are and it feels safe and comfortable. We hang on to our old methods because there is no risk. And the only reason we have unhappiness is because we hold on to what we think happiness should be. How we respond leads us either towards the happiness we seek or further away.

So lets begin by discovering our thoughts, our beliefs and behaviors. Lets explore our feelings and our thoughts. Observing these areas will allow us to see ourselves a little more clearly and well begin to see how we approach life, how we think, how powerful our words are and why we embrace certain behaviors. As we learn about these things, well discover how they influence our values and how our feelings and beliefs affect our lives.

Whether youre right or wrong shouldnt concern you at this point. Just keep an open mind, explore the process and see how it all unfolds. Focus on yourself. The point isnt what you think, feel, believe, speak or how you behave the point is to find out why.

For example, you might hold the belief that life is difficult. Its a simple statement thats heard often. But heres what I want you to do observe yourself and explore how you came to believe that life is difficult. Who taught you to believe this? What events support that belief? More importantly, how has having this belief affected your life? Does it add to your happiness? Ease your pain? Or does it just cause you to suffer more?

What would happen if you challenged that belief? Would your life be different? How? My purpose here is to get you to ask yourself why you have these beliefs and then for you to ask yourself what if they arent true? Ask yourself Is this belief really necessary?

My aim isnt to motivate you. We have had enough motivation to last us a lifetime. Its an addiction. What we really need is correction. We need to discover what de-motivates us, what un-motivates us. We must discover what turns us off. Getting turned on is easy. We can do that in the blink of an eye. What we need is to learn how to get turned on and the stay that way. The key to happiness is finding out what turns us off.

We will find happiness only when we discover whats holding us back.