The Power of Choice The women I work with are all extremely successful. They are educated, have challenging careers and are fantastic mothers. Yet despite all this success some feel that something is missing. They are stuck in a spiral of discontent and aren't sure how to escape. When I suggest they chose the life they currently have and they can choose to make a change, there is usually a long silence. You see, every day you make choices. The choices you make lead to results but the question is, are you making choices about the results you want to create? Fundamentally, you've probably been conditioned to not make choices about what you want. Robert Fritz, author of The Path of Least Resistance, suggests eight ways in which people undermine effective choice and thereby lose their power to choose: Choice by limitation, or choosing only what seems possible or reasonable Choice by indirectness, or choosing the process instead of the result Choice by elimination, or eliminating all other possibilities so that only one choice remains Choice by default, or not making a choice so that whatever results happen seem to occur without choice Conditional choice, or imposing preconditions on choices like, "I will choose this when (or if)..." Choice by reaction, or choosing to overcome a conflict or avoid what you don't want Choice by consensus, or choosing by finding out what everyone else is willing to recommend or following the results of that poll Choice by adverse possession, or choosing based on a hazy metaphysical notion about the nature of the universe ("I have hemorrhoids; therefore, I must have chosen them.") The way you chose provides clues about where your power lies; for example, in the eight ways described above, your power is given to circumstance. Your choices are reactionary and situational. The alternative is to choose from yourself so that nothing forces you to create results, and more importantly, nothing can take this power away from you. How to Choose Choice is a relatively simple process; however, it takes diligent practice. My suggestion is to start with small, quick choices with low-risk outcomes. Here's an example: I have a hard time deciding what to order from a restaurant menu and end up spending too much time analyzing the choices, asking the server what's good and asking others what they are ordering. A simple practice for me is to open a menu, and make a choice in less than two minutes. Step 1. Create a vision for what you want. When I start working with new clients one of the first questions I ask is, "What's your dream?" For many of you, this is a question that you haven't heard in a long time, if ever. Conceiving the results you truly want is essential in making effective choices. Here are some additional tips: Dream big and without judgment or limitations: Allow your vision to get as big and bodacious as you can imagine. Let go of any notions that your vision is silly or impossible. Visualize results, not processes: Ask yourself, do I want this in and for itself, or because it will lead to something else I want? Choices about results don't usually lead to something else and will provide you with the greatest level of fulfillment. Step 2. formally choose Lock in the choice by actually saying, "I choose to have..." I find it helpful to express my choices out loud, though this isn't a requirement. At the very least, repeat it inwardly to yourself. The purpose is to integrate the choice so that your vision has focus and meaning. When you begin to make choices about what you truly want, you may feel a fleeting sense of uncertainty as you leap into unknown territory. With time, and practice, you'll experience greater clarity and energy as you mobilize yourself to actively create the results you choose. |
