Once upon a time before the early 1960s there was a world where marriage was the norm and divorce was difficult. If we invested in each other and our lives as a married couple, only serious malfeasance was grounds for divorce. It was a time when we could take ownership of our marriage dream and feel secure in the stability of the family that we intentionally created.

Fast forward to the new millennium where grounds for divorce include because I want to and what used to be a contractual relationship has been reduced to a legal status. Today, in spite of continued enthusiasm for finding a lifelong marriage mate, few brides or grooms realize that the real marriage bond exists only on a spiritual plane because the legal system will not protect their vows from crumbling.

The introduction of no-fault divorce in California in the early sixties erased all the old rules on the booksgrounds which included adultery, abandonment and abuseand replaced them with a standard for divorce based on something called irremediable breakdown of the marriage. The spirit of the statute quickly buzzed throughout the halls of legislatures across the country and has since resulted in some form of no-fault approach in nearly every state in the country.

Now one might wonder, Why would fault be removed as a reason for divorce? The original intention was to avoid fabricated grounds in order to comply with the statute when both parties simply wanted out. It also caused unnecessary legal proceedings and undue stress on the children.

The more cynical view points towards a much darker reason for the change. Negotiating power used to depend on egregious behavior, but without fault, property division and child custody now depends on a lawyers advocacy skills, courtroom bias and the ability for either party to financially sustain a fight.

So what can you do if you dont want a divorce but your spouse does? The answer lies in the spirit of your marriageliterally.